Tag Archives: General

PSA, Jennifer’s Body

I don’t like to promote movies (because I don’t enjoy watching most of them,) but things like this are funny and should be shared. Enjoy.

In theaters everywhere sometime in September.

Please be who you are.

###

Teeth, Behind The Curve

Teeth. Mammalian teeth. My teeth. Don’t make any sense. Given the advanced state of technology, where I can have face-to-face conversations with folks thousands of miles around the world with a couple clicks on my mouse and such, why are we (humans) still required to be so involved in the upkeep of our teeth? Or is it that food hasn’t devolved to a point where we can benefit from it without actually having to interact with it?

Seriously, though, I don’t mind brushing my teeth, flossing, and rinsing with that blue crap that burns, but I don’t understand why we have so many tiny nooks, crannies, and crevices (redundant) that are more than a hassle to maintain. By comparison, staying physically fit is a walk in the park…literally.

Saliva, on the other hand, is very cool, and seemingly far more advanced. But probably still a little behind the curve only because we’re advancing tooth-decay products faster than we can reproduce. (Hardly the point.)

I want to see, in the next couple hundred years, a smooth set of continuous teeth (upper and lower), really a top tooth and a bottom tooth — narrow near the front and wider at the back, just like we have now — without all the gaps and such. This is more important than going without the little toe, so let’s make it happen. People everywhere will be the happier for it, eventually.

###

Help Is On The Way

I was riding an elevator in a government building when a red light began flashing just above a message that read “if this light is flashing, help is on the way.” Oh really?

It’s funny for obvious reasons, but the worrisome part (at the time) was that it just seemed to be flashing for no reason, or at least not because of anything I had done. I definitely did not call for help. I thought for sure I’d be spending the next couple hours trying to figure out how long I could entertain myself while stuck in an elevator. Nothing so exciting took place. The elevator did its part and released me to my desired floor.

###

Driving While Cellphone

Somebody somewhere did a study that concluded driving while using a cellphone resulted in 1,000 fatalities per year. I don’t know who did it, or what year it was done (nothing, really), but 1,000 seems like an awfully low number. It’s just not alarming enough to grab folks’ attention have get them to stop participating in mobile conversations whilst driving. It’s the kind of thing that doesn’t impact a person’s thought process until it affects a person’s life. (I guess that’s how it is with most death-inducing behaviour.) Then he goes crazy trying to raise awareness, petition politicians, pass laws, and all sorts of other annoying things to which he otherwise wouldn’t have given two thoughts.

A thousand deaths a year just isn’t alarming enough. And even if it were, I’m not sure it would change anything. It wouldn’t even be a big deal if you could just limit the fatalities to just those folks using the cellphones — they probably had it coming. But other folks get all mangled in the mess and find themselves ceasing to breathe without the help of some assisted-living machinery — that’s just bad publicity.

The point being, people using a phone, or providing themselves with any sort of distraction while driving, have a tendency to slow down without realizing it. Especially irritating when stuck behind said perpetrator while driving in the so-called fast lane. “Get off the phone, A-hole!” The sad part: I’m not usually in a hurry, but for some reason it still bothers me that anyone in front of me should ever travel slower than I wish to move.

###

That Half Has Past

I suppose we’ve made it, at least this far, if we’re all here right now. It’s been a solid first half to another year, and it always seems to get ridiculously busy just before the fourth of July (which is technically part of the second half) and then we top it all off with a bit of fireworks and good fun before going back into hibernation for a month or so, and then we’re back at it again with all the business we call…well, I don’t know what you call it, but some people call it life. I suppose we could agree to do the same.

In the meanwhile, remember to say “thanks” and “please” for any delicious cheese. See ya when I see ya.

###

Say Goodbye, Say Hello

This is the semi-nostalgic tale of what came to pass that fate-filled afternoon where I found myself parting ways from my trusted and beloved Hampton Cruiser (pictured there <—) and coming to terms with newly-acquainting myself to a freshly pressed basket-less Electra. Before we get too far into the melodrama, let me clear the air and admit that the Midtown Drinking Machine is still securely tethered to a tree in my yard. BUT it has a non-functioning system, most crucial to its ability to role me through the mean streets of midtown. Not to mention many other, what lay-folks would call horrific, brief yet momentous all original rage induced fits of stupendous, umm…occasions? So you can imagine. No, seriously, please do imagine. I’m a fan.

It all started one Saturday when that guy JoshGZ called to tell me he and his financier (I mean fiancée ) were on their way to gather their bicycles from my yard and I should thus ready myself for a trip we’ll call a pedal <insert noun here> crawl. blah blah blah, I get to gearing up my bike which I’ve neglected most of the winter months and realize it needs a new tube on the rear wheel. A bit of grease on the hands, a few dead bugs living in the tire, and several minutes later, I’m ready to inflate the new tube. No problem. Except, in my haste, I failed to realize I’ve used a substandard piece which, when inflated to pressures acceptable to the old tube, cause the new tube to explode. Literally, explode. It was loud and exciting enough for both my neighbors to the east and to the west to peak over the fence and assess my well-being (they’re what average people would call "responsible" adults). Needless to say, I was in a hurry and now further aggravated with my lack of preparedness for said impending adventure.

Enter brain’s idea to walk the two and a half blocks to the bike shop and buy whichever single-speed cruiser is least expensive (and I don’t know what it is about the folks pedaling the flat streets of Sacramento that makes them believe they require more than one gear to get around, but please all be to WTF that we can’t carry more than one single-speed cruiser that isn’t meant for the non-junk having female rider.) My brain isn’t always at its best, but it was the best idea I had at the time. As if to imply it was too much work to purchase the correct tube and spend another few minutes switching it out. Uhh…yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense.

Enough rambling, and long story short. I’d been dreaming up excuses to buy an Electra since the summer of 2007, and here we are on the cusp of summer 2009, so it was inevitable. I made an impulse decision to make an impulse purchase and settle for a shiny new plain bicycle (pictured below) for which I overpaid. So it goes.

Electra Rat Rod

Don’t get me wrong, these Electra bicycles are of higher quality than my Hampton Cruiser, but they lack character. It’s backwards. You can’t buy character, it’s created. Electra, outside of their basic models, panders to an imaginless audience (wait, I mean an audience that lacks imagination), incapable of creating interesting behaviour.

Don’t be boring. Express yourself. Say "goodybye". Say "hello". And throw something.

###

Don’t Stand For Being Seated

It’s true, I can’t handle folks who speak from a seated position when presenting to an audience from what should be an authoritative stance. If you have the stage, then you should control the stage and all the space that goes along with it. I suppose this is a problem more for panel presentations where there are a few, um…experts, sharing the spotlight. But if it’s not the Q&A portion of the show, whoever is speaking should stand up and shout to the back of the room, even if there are only seven people in the audience.

When it’s my turn, I’ll ask (for the sake of being polite) the moderator if it’s okay for me to stand because "I have a proclivity for exaggerated gesticulation when I present that is greatly hindered from a seated position." In which case everyone is confused and the moderator replies, "yes, that would be fine." (Well, many people are confused most of the time by nature, which has little to do with my presence or line of questioning.) So I take the floor, the mic, the remote (PowerPoint), and whatever else I need so as to ensure everyone is not only watching, but also listening, because I’m the expert and you all better be paying attention.

Let’s get serious here for a minute, this is an issue of confidence, not to be confused with arrogance, that by standing to demand attention tells the audience you’re worthy of their time and attention. (Or at least you believe yourself worthy, and most likely rightfully so.) The truth being that everyone knows something other people don’t. And if someone has invited you to present your knowledge and experience, then that person values your time and attention. So don’t cower to the crowd and hide in the shadows.

The same can be said for the audience. Please get off your ass and stand up to ask your question so that the entire room can hear what you’re saying. (We have two hundred people in the room tonight, can you please repeat the question.) There’s a pretty good chance that your concern is shared by others, and if it’s not, then you should be pelted with rotten tomatoes. But don’t take it personally. Learn.

And I could go off on another tangent (but I realize I’m already rambling on) about how people are too…well, let’s just leave it at that.

Your knowledge is valuable — stand up and share it! Kick your chair, too, if you’re really feeling the power of controlling center stage. Oh yeah

###

Market Profiling Or Deep Packet Inspection

What we mean : Internet Service Providers (ISPs) can, if they choose to, inspect every packet of data passing through its servers or inspection points. A process known as deep packet inspection that you can read all about over at Wikipedia . End users are typically okay with this process when the ISP admits doing so to prevent the spread of malware or harmful software potentially moving through its network to subscribers. (Assuming the users even know this is happening.) But what if after the ISP was finished inspecting for viruses it continued examining the header to see where you’re spending your browsing hours exploring the Internet? All of a sudden Google Chrome’s incognito mode isn’t so private and secret — your wife can’t see you’ve spent hours surfing porn, but someone else can — the ISP now knows which catalogs should be sent to your house, or at least they have the information available for marketing professionals to buy.

The ISP can profile all sorts of traffic information about its users and arrange it by whatever category the highest bidder is willing to pay. You get the point.

Why it matters: It doesn’t. It does. No it doesn’t. Yes it does. "Hush a minute, will ya." Market profiles across broad demographics are horrible, but having a bit of software that can craft unique profiles to each individual is wonderful. (Maybe "horrible" is too strong, but the former should definitely be considered a tool from your grandfather’s marketing toolkit.) And a basket full of accurately tailored profiles is worth a lot more to anyone aiming to make a load of cash by unloading bunch of crap. So it goes.

At the same time, it’s privacy advocates who have a problem with profiling based on a user’s navigation habits. Which is why it does matter. Not because of the privacy advocates, but because subscribers are not paying to be monitored, they are paying to have internet service provided.

In the end: I’m not accusing any ISP of performing such immoral and possibly illegal activities as monitoring its users activity beyond what is "necessary to ensure the safety of its network and users." But even if they are collecting all the data, I’m not saying it’s being sold to third-parties. I’m not saying it’s being handed over to law enforcement agencies. No, none of that big brother looking over your shoulder nonsense. I’m not saying any of that. I’m not even saying I know anything about marketing or selling stuff.

All I’m saying is, it seems like a good idea to have advertisements presented to me that might actually impress me to let loose of my cash. Not that it matters much, I’ll only buy a product endorsed by xkcd.com .

###

Luigi's Pizza By The Slice

Get there before it closes and check out the fungarden, if you’re into that sort of thing. Otherwise, just enjoy the pizza.

Update: When I wrote this, I meant get to convey that people should get to Luigi’s before it closed for the night, not before it closed indefinitely. As far as I know, they are doing quite well and are in no danger of shutting their doors for good. A slice and a soda is still the way to go.

Luigi’s Pizza By The Slice