That thing that comes after ham…

So, I was going to let this little episode pass today without a mention. Seems like this sort of nonsense happens everyday without a mention, but I’ve been told to enlighten those ignorant of such occurrences. Her name is Mari and she is as sweet as a human being can get without being dipped by the heel in a vat of sugar. That’s the disclaimer. She has her moments like many of us, but hers are far more entertaining.

Me and the boys(I was the only male, but I use this term in camaraderie) were sitting around wasting time on the old Internet or in casual conversation. Watching the odd shapes of people that the county attracts slip by the windows like fish in an aquarium. Mari, as she sometimes does, was lost in something she was reading on her computer.

She looked over and said to no one in particular,”What is it called, the thing that comes after the ham?” When someone asks you a question in which you have no clue the context, you ponder for a few seconds before questioning the persons intent. All of a sudden the lethargic office was abuzz with answers. “Horses! Moses! Mayo! Fingers! John Kimble!” Realizing by the lost look on her face, everyone stopped spewing out random things and began questioning what was meant. “What do you mean after the ham.” The reply to the questions was as terrifying as the original. “You know the thing that you do after the ham or when it’s not ham,” Mari replied as she made gestures resembling someone constructing a sandwich or turning a page in the phone book. You just couldn’t be sure what she was indicating with her body language. I tried to nail it down to a sandwich category, but the question is so wrong that it lends itself to confusion.

Now everyone in the office was involved with trying to figure what the answer to something so obscure as to what comes after the ham. The random answers erupted again. All of a sudden Mari’s face lit up like a nuclear explosion and she pointed at the lucky winner. She could barely hold back her excitement as she squealed, “turkey!” Ah ha! Of course, that always comes after ham.

So now you know. There is such phenomena that can be labeled, stupid questions. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

America, This Is You! was first posted to justinll.com on August 12, 2008.